Russian Roulette Is Not The Same Without A Gun

I think my brain may have exploded...or imploded. Whichever. All I know is that the thought of having to concentrate on something makes me want to dig my claws into my scalp and rip my squishy brain out of my head and stamp on it. Exaggeration? Yeah, probably but you get the jist of it.

But why on earth is my brain so painful? Well that would be because of the RS homework I had to complete. Something about how festivals are all important and what's my opinion. The thing is I'm not exactly religious. Sure, I've been Christened and if I were to get married I'd probably have the service in a church. But an opinion on different Christian festivals? Okay, fair enough I like Easter and Christmas and I'm over half way though Lent now but Epiphany? Pentecost? Um, no thanks. Surely if you were to have an opinion on a subjects you would want to at least now about them in detail first? Oh well, it's done now.

Moving on from that, I find school isn't a very interesting subject. Now, I have a question for you, whoever you may be. If you could apologise to one part of your body, which part would you say sorry to? So for example you could say sorry to your skin for making it so dry or orange, you could apologise to your eyes for burning them with the sun or getting bits of make up on them, or even ask for forgiveness from your hair for damaging it so much with all your stylish products. Personally, I would apologise to my brain. Like I said, I would so much like to stamp on it right now but I suppose it's just It's way of making me pay for the times I've filled It with nonsense and dreams that will never happen and forcing It to learn things that I probably will not need. So Brain, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the stupid times I went with my feelings rather then listening to you. I'm sorry for the many times that I've made you ache because of stress or lack of sleep. I'm sorry for that time I cursed you for not being as good as other people's brains. I'm sorry for all the times you were right but I let others persuade me into thinking that you were wrong. But mostly I'm sorry for putting you under so much pressure recently. And yes, that pressure will continue for the next few weeks and maybe later on in my life too. However, to show you that I appriciate you (because I really, really do), I promise that I will never rot you. I promise I will never kills you with drugs. I promise I will not let you waste away to something useless. And I promise I will listen to you as much as I can so long as you promise me to behave and help me rather then lead me off on the wrong track. So finally, thank your Brain. Thank you for letting me think and imagine. And thank you for staying with me for the past sixteen years. Thank you for filling up with knowledge and thank you for being the right size.

Sorry and thank you.

He Said Girl You Better Try To Have Fun

Mother's Day? What a disaster. It started out fine, my mum loved her gift and card, we had a nice relaxing morning. I made her tea and a hot cross bun and we generally had a nice morning. It all turned sour when if came to the walk in the forest. Again, everything was fine until Whizz (our dog) was let off the lead. At first it was fine, he'd go galloping about make friends with everyone. But then he ran right up to a horse. Now usually the horses are quite tame and are used to animal and people seeing as they're often surrounded by them. But for Whizz, not so much. Whizz went straight to the back of the horse and got kicked. Has anyone ever been kicked by a horse? I haven't but you can imagine the pain Whizz felt and boy did we hear it. Whizz jumped and ran crying as loud as he could away from the horse. We had to try and catch him and settle him down. He was hurt that was for sure but it was nothing major. He was limping for a little while but soon enough he was himself again. We're still keeping him in for a couple of days just to make sure nothing did happen that we didn't spot straight away. Now I know what you're saying, "why don't you take him to a vet?" Well our vet is away at the moment and yes we could find another but seeing as he can still walk and probably just has some bruising I'm sure he'll be fine. If he had broken something or really hurt himself he wouldn't have run away. He wouldn't have been about to.

Okay, enough about the dog. How was your mothers day? I hope it was better then mine. My mum got really upset because Whizz is practically her baby and in all fairness it was quite a shock.

I've been looking for dresses recently for ROA day - seeing as the only people who actually read my blog go to my school there's not really any point to explaining what this day is. However, if there is the slightest chance that someone else is reading my blog, ROA day is when all the year 11's (last year) leave the school and we all dress up smart to receive our Record of Achievement. Now, my search for a nice dress has sadly turned out to be a little hopeless seeing as there aren't many out yet. And yes, I know, ROA isn't until May but I just want to be prepared.

So instead of my of a dress I've been looking for skirts too. This has also wound up as a bad idea seeing as all of the skirts are below the knee and Lord knows short people can't wear skirts below the knee - it just makes you look short. Well in my case it does anyway. So does anyone have any ideas?

And If I Was Blessed, I'd Walk On The Water You're Breathing

It's Mother's Day and we're going for a picnic in the forest to say hello to the ponies. How many horses are in the forest? Well none of course, they're all ponies. I made my mum happy today; unlike Dave Pelzer, author and traumatised child from A Boy Called It. It's a horrific tale and I'm not sure why I'm reading it, it's so depressing. But I quite like reading real life stories; not because I'm sick in the head and like to hear about the pain some people go though because of no fault of their own but because they make me appreciate my live and the people in it more. I realise how privileged I am and reminds me of the fact that I have nothing to complain about. So I get spots? So I don't look like I wished I looked like? So I have disagreements with people and get angry? They're such little problems compared to Dave Pelzer's or Anya Peter's.

I received the news that Jade Goody died today; on Mother's Day. It must be such an awful time for her family and friends, my heart goes out to them all, she was so brave. And truth be told, I never really like Jade Goody as I didn't understand why she was famous but no-one deserves to die at 27. Especially if that person has a loving family, had just been married and still had so much to live for. I'm happy that she managed to get married. I watched some of it on TV when it was on and it was so emotional. I feel so sorry for her mother, husband and children the most. They must be going through such a heartbreaking time. But I suppose it also gives them a sense of closure to know that she won't be suffering the immense pain anymore that she was feeling whilst she was in hospital. At least it's over in a sense even though it's such a terrible fate.

This blog started off so happy but ended so sad. I'm sorry, I'll try to brighten it up. How about so lyrics that have been making me smile for the past couple of days? Read the lyrics and you're smile too. Imagine someone singing them to you; someone who loves you.

And if I could swim
I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating
in the dark.
And if was blessed
I walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving
Sunken chest.
'Cause they chose you
As the model
For their empty little dreams.
With your new head
And your legs spread
Like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you
And they gut you
And you give in.

And if I was brave
I'd climb up to you on the mountain.
They led you to drink from their fountain
Spouting lies.
And I'd slay
The horrible beast they commissioned
To steer me away from my mission
To your eyes,
And I'd stand there
Like a soldier
With my foot upon his chest.
With my grin spread
And my arms out
In my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me
I'd remind you
Who you are...
Under their shell..

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you

And if they sent a whirlwind,
I'd hug it like a harmless little tree.
Or an earthquake,
I'd calm it,
And I'd bring you back to me,
And I'd hold you
In my weak arms like a first born.

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you (through hell for you)

(through hell for you) without you
Without you (through hell for you)
Without you (through hell for you)

Now, I've walked through hell for you,
What's an adventurer to do
But rest these feet at home with you.

If you're wondering which song it is, it's by Say Anything and is called A Walk Through Hell. I love it so much, it cheers me up immensely.

Have a beautiful day. :)

Don't Pretend To Not Love Me Anymore Because I Don't Believe You

I can't stand it when people have 'bad times' in their lives. Like when they're depressed, upset or just everything around them is falling down but you can't do anything to help them. I mean, you can either try and cheer them up but just end up annoying or upsetting them even further; or you can try to make it so even though everything is going south in their lives you'll be there to make a steady rock so they can cling on if they need some support...but if you do that it may look like you don't care when you really really do. It's such an awful situation for both the person who needs cheering up and the person trying to cheer them up.

On a brighter note, I've almost finished my coursework. Yes, because school is a happy topic. All I've got to do now is finish painting my graphics, make a box for it, make a rule-book, finish off section D in business and complete section E. Oh, did I mention I only have roughly 2 weeks to do that in? On top of that I have to revise for all my other subjects, sort out Easter Revision, keep the house tidy to help mum out and finish off a friend's birthday present. Oh joyful days.

Only a few months left, just a few to go. Then it's over, just college to get through but that'll be fine. I won't have to mix with the people I don't like to mix with at school. Five years is quite enough, sorry guys. Oh and anyone reading thing who thinks it might be them, it isn't, trust me on that. The people I don't like are too cool to read my blog.

This is such a small blog for today. I have an urge to write one more word: FireFox.

I Used To Think Maybe You Liked Me

Uh-oh, I'm in trouble. I abandoned my blog. Not on purpose, I've just be weighed down with things at the moment and blog updates just slipped my mind. Y'know how things just pile up and leave you completely swamped and you just can't keep everything in your brain and when you try to you end up getting a headache? Or migraine? It's not pleasant and it hurts. Nevermind, after this month everything will begin to float away and I can concentrate in more important things. Such as the sun and how I'm going to end up spending my EMA in the new academic year.

Really to get all cringey-deep-and-meaningful-but-truthful-at-the-same-time? I know I am. I've been watching the sky a lot more lately. I love it so much, I think it's my favourite part of nature and well probably the world. It's so pretty and different, you couldn't replicate it. Not probably anyway. It's always changing and moving and causing all sorts of problems but it doesn't mean to. It's just doing it's job.

Don't you love those mornings when everything is really crisp, fresh and bubbly. If you look carefully you can see all the separate different aspects of the leaves and trees and most of all, the sky. You can see everything really clearly and it's so beautiful.

Back to the sky, I love how it changes colour. All the blues, purple and turquoises and then to reds, pinks and bright oranges. Sometimes it's black with shining stars of silver but at other times it's pure white and looks like it needs colouring in. If I could colour the sky, I'd keep it bright blue just like in the summer when it's always blue. It makes people feels happy because there's no dark clouds to ruin the pretty sky. I really do love it.

I was surpised to see when I logged on that I had 2 followers. I mean, I know them but it makes me feel all warm and bubbly because people are actually reading this silly little thing. I'm so sorry I adandoned you little blog. I won't do it again.

I ripped out all of my old diary entries from months ago a couple of days ago. I've still got them; hidden in a draw so nobody else reads them. I think it's hilarious to read them back. I'm not going to destroy them as it's how I felt at the time but still, they are funny.

Happy Red Nose Day everyone.

How Did it Come to This

My shift button is broken; well, one of them any way. And it happens to be the one I use mostly - annoying, oui.

Moving on, Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you have a beautiful day whatever you do. :) Hopefully it won't be as lonely as mine - I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. For once Val's Day is on a Saturday and guess what I'm doing? Yup, that's right, staying inside all day even though it's a lovely sunny day outside. Ah well. Nevermind!

Hang on, I did do something today. I ordered a Nintendo DS, Pokemon Pearl and Animal Crossing! All paid for with my own money. My first ever 'big' purchase. Yay! I'm so proud!

Wow, this whole shift-button-not-working thing is really quite annoying. I'm so used to pressing it that it puts my typing speed way down. Pah.

Y'know, I don't have a lot to say, I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day. Have a great day!

I Just Can't Look It's Killing Me

I'm going to complain now. Lots. So deal with it.

Does it ever annoy you when you find something really cool and that you love, say for example a book, and you think that no-one else will really read that one book because well, you just don't expect them to. But then jump forward a couple of months and that book is now a film and comes with a million fan girls screaming at the mere sight of one of the characters. Yeah, it's so stupid.

Twilight has been completely ruined for me because of that exact reason. Sure, at first I loved it like any new reader will. But when I read it, it wasn't nearly as popular as it is now. Admittedly, I definitely wasn't the first to read it but definitely one of the older readers. But now, all you get when you mention Twilight is fan girls screaming things like, "OMGBITEMEEDWARDCULLENBITEME!" or "OMGZMRSCULLENANDDON'TYOUFORGETIT". It annoys be so much. When will they calm down? He's fictional. Grow up.

Okay, okay, I'm being a bit of a hypocrite seeing as I am possibly in love with Ron Weasley but I'm not constantly going on about how amazing he is now am I? Yeah, I have a bit of an addiction but I don't exactly get hysterical every second Hazz Pott is mentioned.

So thank you all of you Twilight fan girls. Thank you for ruining a book for me. Thank you for making me despise an amazing story all because of your screaming and childish fascination. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it.

Let's move on from that depressing topic. It's my mum's birthday today. Happy birthday mum! We're going out tonight to celebrate and whatnot. Oh I love birthdays, they're so happy-making. I feel really guilty though because I made her a really rubbish card. I know, I know, handmade cards are nice and all but when they look like something pulled out of the bin, yeah, not so good. And I already know she'll say she likes it but written over her face will be, "Good grief, what the hell is this?". Hopefully her present will sort of make up for it. I hope.

Speaking of cards, I still need to make my Valentine's Cards. I don't understand how people think Valentine's Day is pointless. Sure, it is commercialised and sometimes over-rated and yeah, you should really show your love to the one you care about the most everyday but it's such a lovely tradition. It gives others an excuse to be all gooey and bubbly just because they can get away with it. It gives you a chance to do something out of the ordinary if you are usually a quite person and want to show how much you care about someone. Honestly, I love Valentine's Day. It's adorable. And no, I've never had a proper Valentine but who cares? You don't need one to be happy on the 14th. Just keep smiley everyone, it's a beautiful day.

Stop, Stall and Make a Name For Yourself

So I finally caved in. I went against all negative things I've been saying about it and finally joined Twitter. How sad am I? I used to think that I didn't want to join it because "everyone joins it". Well, yes, well done woman. But now I've fallen down from that high chair of mine and joined in with everyone. I've never exactly been unique so why start now, eh? Twitter could be fun; I once joined Plurk but it was crappy.

Whoa, I've only been on Twitter for 5 minutes and I've already got 2 followers. A little odd, don't you think? But then again, one is following around 500 others and the other is following over 100 so at least I'm not the only one being stalked.

It's nearly Valentine's Day! In just 6 days the whole world will be loved up. I adore Val's Day, it's so bubbly and happy-making. And to be honest, it really doesn't matter if you don't have another half to share it with, you still have friends right? Sure, it probably is a lot more fun with a partner but hey ho, what cha' gonna do? I really need to start making my cards soon - I'm making a load of my friends, just to show I love them. :)

Speaking of making things, I'm in such a creative mood lately. I bought canvas' and paint yesterday and started painting just because I felt like it. It was lovely! It's really relaxing so long as you know what you want to paint.

Oh! Another thing, I've recently found out the name of the cute Japanese drawings I seem to fall upon whilst browsing dA: kawaii! Go search it, they're adorable. ^.^ Although, I'm not sure how to pronounce it. Is it "Hawaii" but with a "k" or something else? If you know, please enlighten me.

So, I'm going to go paint some more. To sum up, please add me on Twitter and let's chat. :)

Have a lovely rest-of-weekend everyone.

Came To My Show Just To Hear About My Day

In Bournemouth and other sunny, beachy, touristy places we hardly get snow. When we do it's usually really light and never settles. But not this time. We've had snow for two days! And it settled! We even had a snow day today for school - it's crazy! Who'd have thought I'd ever get a snow day?

So what did I do on my first (and possibly only) snow day? Well I played in the snow of course. And okay, it was only out in my back garden with my puppy but still. I made a snowman, he had a lopsided head and dodgy eyes but he was mine. I was invited to go for a snowball fight but...I had to dog sit.

(um) Madam Bipper. says:
Yes, I sat on my dog all day because it was a snow day

Oh how I love deranged conversations on msn.

Hopefully there'll be another day off school tomorrow because of the 'dangerous' roads. I doubt it but it would be good if it was. More time to catch up on sleep and get rid of these unsightly bags under my eyes.

Oh stop complaining woman.

Y'know, I've finally decided how I'm going to change. I'm going to be happier. I'm not going to draw attention to myself by acting all moody. No, instead I'm going to detatch myself from pessimistic people and be more optimistic. Look on the bright side of life. Follow in my fairy godmother's footsteps as it were.

Exercise more too, that's what I need to do. Recently I've been feeling a little...how can I put it..."anorexic"? Meaning I've been eating less then I should in the hope that I'll lose some weight. What I really should have been doing of course is eating healthily and exercising. I do know this, it's just difficult to trick my mind out of the thoughts it's tangled in at the moment. I will eventually but it might take a little time.

Moving on from that horrible topic, did you know that it's mine and Sammy's unbirthday's today? We're going to celebrate soon. Eat cake, drink tea and then pretend we're healthy by eating carrot sticks when we feel like it. Yay for unbirthdays! Happy unbirthday to you too if it happens to be your unbirthday. It most likely is so happy unbirthday to you. Have a wondrous day!

Which for some reason reminds me, I need to make Valentine's cards soon. Yeah, I'm making multiple because I'm a hooker in real life.

No, I'm only kidding! Don't worry! They're for my friends just because I appreciate how much they've done for me over the years.

"Oh sure, your 'friends'."

Don't believe me? Well you don't get one then do you smelly moo.

You Can Only Blame Your Problems On The World For So Long

Isn't it strange how you find you can relate to songs so easily? For example, the song The (Shipped) Gold Standard by Fall Out Boy is the song I find I keep relating my life to. One of the lines is "I want to scream 'I love you' from the top of my lungs, but I'm afraid someone else will hear me." Every time I hear that I can just hear myself saying, "yeah, same."

Ugh. Stop being a girl.

Back to the usual ranting? Okay.
"You can only blame your problems on the world for so long". So basically, I need to stop. It just makes things depressing.

Complete change of topic now. You know what I think should come back into fashion? Words such as 'ace' and 'grand'. They're such brilliant words, why should we leave them to rot? And you know what else, if my blog was as popular as Perez Hilton's or someone of that sort, people would be using ace and grand all over the world as soon as I hit send. It's not going to happen but it's nice to think about how much influence people can have. Then again, I can guarantee that I would abuse the privilege just to get my own way. Watch out world, Bippie's taking over.

Oh stop day dreaming you fool.

Moving on, I have a question for everyone who reads this. If anyone.
If you could go back 10 years to 1999 and talk to yourself, what 10 things would you say to yourself? Now, don't go starting about how time travel is impossible/you can change anything/"Have you not seen Back to the Future!?". Firstly, yes I have seen Back to the Future and I love it, secondly, imagine it's just a warning not something to change the rest of your life. Kind of...

Want to know my 10 things?

1. Don't give up the violin, you'll just regret it.
2. The summer of 2006 is going to be very difficult for you but don't give up, you'll become a stronger person because of it.
3. You're not emo, get over yourself.
4. Stop biting your nails!
5. You will get more confident, don't worry.
6. Learn to read tabs so when you start to learn ukulele it'll be easier.
7. Don't get too upset about Busted breaking up. Yes it's sad but don't cry; you'll still have McFly.
8. Look after your skin, spots suck you just don't know it yet.
9. What ever you do, do not get your hair cut into a bob. It makes your face look fat and really doesn't suit you, no matter what your friends say.
10. Don't give away your Pokemon cards in year 4, again you'll just end up regretting it.

So what are your ten things? Please comment, I'd love to hear them.