You're A First Time Vegan And It's Nice To Meet Ya

College college college! Oh it's amazing but so so tiring.
I have such a strange timetable:

Monday:
Free, photography, break, photography, enrichment, lunch, double media.

Tuesday:
Film studies, graphics, break, graphics, free, lunch, photography, free.

Wednesday:
Graphics, film studies, break, film studies, media, lunch, free, free.

Thursday:
Photography, free, break, free, tutor, lunch, free, free.

Friday:
Media, free, break, free, free, lunch, film studies, graphics.

See what I mean? In total I have 12 free periods.
If I didn't have a tutor period lesson 4 on Thursday I could go home after first lesson, but no.
And I have a 3 hours on free time in a row on Friday's. I'm tempted to go home and come back again then, I mean, what am I going to do for 3 hours in the middle of the new forest?

And then there's the lessons themselves.

Graphics - I thought this was going to be amazing. So far I've failed at both lessons. First of all we had to draw from still life and mine turned out awful. I cannot draw to save my life. And secondly we had to edit these images in photoshop. Now, I can use photoshop and I'm pretty confident with it but when there's a hot nerd sat next to you who's about a million times better then you it's a little difficult to a) concentrate and b) actually do anything worthwhile. I'm so used to editing photos of people that I found editing my crap drawing of I-don't-know-what was really difficult! So far, graphics is a fail. But I refuse to give up!

Photography - I'm not too sure what to think so photography yet. My teacher for starters is skitzophrenic, one minute he'll be all teacher-mode and be saying things like "Don't be late to my class or I'll kick you off the course!" and then the next moment he'll be laughing and joking about random things. Plus I haven't finished my work from last lesson which I should probably do but I just don't know where to begin. Gah. Bad times. And we haven't even taken any photos yet.

Media - I am loving media at the moment. Our first task is to make a short film about a subject of our choice and although we haven't started this yet I can guarantee it'll be fun...if not a little stressful because after all, I can't do anything without stressing over it. Aha. Thanks to a friend, in my second lesson this random guy turns to me and asks "How's the swine?" with a grin. The cheek of it! I don't have swine! Just a bit of a cough. It was quite funny though, in our first media lesson the aforementioned friend managed to make me into a lesbian nun with swine flu. Fantastic. That's just the impression I want to give to all these new people. Naah, it's all good fun though and I love love love it.

Film Studies - yet another amazing subject! I think I may prefer this more then media, but only slightly. I have my form tutor and another tutor teaching me in this plus a few friends. The class is just generally laid back and fun and yes, it takes some concentration but it's really interesting. Apart from the fact that I was given homework for the first time today in film studies. Nevermind, it's only a page of A4 on mise en scene. Simple stuff really.

I have such a Lady Gaga craving.

What Your Mouth Because Your Speech Is Slurred And I Bet You Might Just Swallow Your Tongue.

It's 09/09/09 and I couldn't resist posting on a date like today.

So since the 4th I've been to my college induction which was brilliant. I found out I have the most amazing form tutor ever - he's my brother's old media teacher and is one of those people who everyone seems to like. He looks like he's never actually left college, which, I suppose, he hasn't really.

I made a friend too! Her name's Beth and the only reason we started talking was because we were both too scared to go into the form room even though once we did we found people had already gone in and were sat down and ready. I was slightly embarrassed by this but hey ho.

I also found out that a girl from my old school is in my form which is nice to know although I've never really spoken to her and also a boy from my primary school who I haven't seen in years. The boy hasn't changed much facial-wise but he is a hell of a lot taller and also wears a lot more black. And I mean a LOT more black. It was nice to see him though.

I'm sure all the boys at college smell the same, lynx overkill I believe.

Derren Brown tonight. I can't wait. :3

Cause I Toss And I Turn And It Doesn't Feel Right.

So I've been trying to find different ways of making myself fall asleep and last night I was thinking about the next few days and what they'll bring. This got me thinking about how I could introduce myself to all the new people I'll meet and how they'll react. I then began to imagine the scene if one of my tutors made everyone introduce themselves in front of the class and if everyone had to talk about themselves for as long as possible. This then got me thinking about some people I know and how they could keep going and going and going. So then I thought "how long could I go on for?" as I don't really like to talk about me and just me for long periods of time. So I tried it and I ended up going on for 27 minutes (baring in mind this is me last night sat on my bed talking to myself). This is basically what I came up with:

I'm a harry potter junkie who is such a fangirl I spent 12 hours in London in the cold and the wet and the thunder just for a glimpse of the trio. I'm addicted to wonderland-themed things and would happily spend the rest of my days stuck at 5pm (tea-time) and be constantly have tea parties. I love formal wear including that sort of indie-kid-boy-band look with waistcoats and tophats and tail coats. I have an awful memory but I can sing every Panic at the Disco song word for word. Thanks to my dad I'm a fan of swing music and big band. I think the 1920's era was the most glamorous and beautiful and would like to have lived during that time. I love clocks and tophats and teacups and teapots and keys and little doors. I've always dreamt of having a secret door in my house; one that hidden in a bookcase and opens up to a much bigger room with whatever in. I talk to myself very often although it's more imagining what I would say in different situations. I don't function without tea. Crisps give me headaches. I have nosebleeds often. I can type fast then I can write with a Biro and piece of paper. I pretend I can draw when actually my people look more like turkey sprogs. I'm in love with Photoshop and Ronald Weasley. Oh, and Justin Long is pretty too. I have favourites. I don't hate people but I do dislike. I can't stand twilight fangirls, they ruined the series for me. Saying this, I'm a complete hypocrite as I used to be one before the films came out and the whole idea went crazy. Girls who say things along the likes of "Bite my Edward Cullen!" or "I have Cullenism!" should be shot in the head. Vampires. Don't. Sparkle. I've never seen Ghostbusters. I once did a free hugs campaign which is up on YouTube and was one of the best days of my life - I've never hugged so many half-naked, drunken stag parties. I like to volunteer. I'm originally from Shoreham-by-Sea which is near Brighton and I hope to move back to Brighton when I'm older. I say things just to shock people and draw attention to myself which annoys me to no end so if I do start saying things like "I'm dieting" or "look at my ribs" or "I'm going to cut all my hair off" just ignore me or tell me to shut up. I'm a closet goth who loves the whole grotesque side of things like photos of people bleeding or taking drugs. Saying this, I can't stand horror films. When I first watched Edward Scissorhands I had nightmares for 3 months. I paint my nails far too often. I read true-life-stories about child abuse but not because I'm some kind of sick and twisted adolescent but because when you read about a little boy who was abused by his mother and made into her slave and who had the skin on his arms burnt off with mixed bleaches it really brings you down to earth and makes you realise that your petty little problems really don't matter and there are more important things to worry about. I've met Grimmy, Annie Mac and Aled from Radio 1 and they're all lovely. The thought of childbirth makes me feel sick. I don't eat anything made out of pork because when I was younger I decided eating pigs was disgusting and cruel and now 3 or 4 years later I've figured I may as well continue not eating it. If I tried I think I could go veggie but not vegan. I love fairy tales and think Pan's Labyrinth is an amazing film. I love musicals for the simple reason that they make me happy. I'll give any genre of music a go but happy-silly-pop music is my favourite. I play ukulele but not very well. I can't sing. I've always been second-best next to my family and friends, never number one. I've always been the shorter-uglier friend compared to the people I know and I've come to accept it as second-best means no expectations. With hurtful things I say it doesn't bother me but it does, it really really does. I don't like confrontation and will be the first to walk away. I've never been drunk because I'm scared to let my guard down. I've only had one boyfriend which didn't last because I was an awful awful girlfriend. I get excited over the prospect of speaking to someone knew and if I had the choice I'd rather things chanced constantly rather they stayed the same day in day out. The moon makes me feel safe. I don't trust very easily. As soon as I find myself liking someone in a way that's counted as more-then-a-friend I find myself pushing them away for fear that I'll get hurt even though all I want to do is hold them close. But to be my friend all you need is decent conversation and to show a little interest. I love venetian masks. I like most animals but horses terrify me. Colours are pretty and my favourite changes with my mood. I get mood swings and I hate them. I've changed into so many things that I can't keep count. The latest being from a greeby-nobody in year nine to a geeky lass in year 10 to finally realising that I'd rather be someone pretty and happy in year 11 which is where I'm at now. I once planned to be spontaneous which was such an oxymoron. I stress a lot. I cried over my GCSE results for mixed reasons. I've left a lot out but now that I've said all this I feel quite selfish and would quite like to hear about who you are.

Takin' The B-A-T Out Of Basement, Homey

I've started listen to Bo Burnham more and it makes me happy. Go listen. It's not for the faint-hearted. But he is love. ♥

Wait.
What?
Start again.
Okay.
Hello hi!

I got my GCSE results last week. Although, I don't know why I said that. The only person that reads my blog goes to my school so what's the point really?

Stop being pessimistic. Pah.
This is a bad blog.

But I'm happy with my results! Well, most of them. I cried over my graphics result.

I'm tempted to delete that last sentence. Nobody needs to know about my sorry story. But I won't delete it now. I've moved on.

Oh, and the medieval festival I went to was brilliant too. I was lovely seeing my daddio for a while. Especially seeing as he's going on tour soon and I don't know when I'll see him next. Bummer.

But the festival. Yeah. First day, Friday. We turned up. And sorted stuff out. And looked around. And it was good! But not a lot happened seeing as the festival didn't start until the Saturday...

Speaking of Saturday, that was a fun day. We spent most of it wandering about watching the jousting and battles and canons and stuff. Good times.

Sunday was present day and I spent most of my money on things to decorate my room and gifts for the fam-fam. Yay Venetian masks and green leave men.

Monday was the last day. We went exploring. And it was gooood. The evening was funnier though. Seeing as it was the last day everyone who camps over (so basically the staff and the re-enactors) all congregate in the beer tent to have an almighty piss up. Me, Holly, my dad and people we were with were all at the bar when the falconer starts talking to us who had become quite good friends with my dad seeing as my dad's the sound guy who helps him out. As he's chatting, his son plus friend come over too. Now, this friend of the falconer's son (the son was named Josh but I ended up calling him bird-boy) has the most blood-shot eyes I've ever seen in that sort of "hey look how high I am" sort of way - it also didn't help that he was drunk out of his mind. Nice combination.

Anyway, bird-boy's friends begins to look at me and Holly in that so-called alluring way and my daddio sees (something I am most thankful for). My dad being the protective man that he is, turns around and says something along the lines of:
"If you ask what their ages are, I'll punch you."
This was all said with a laugh though, so it was a sort-of-joke-but-so-to-far-and-I-will-hit-you type of thing. Stoner boy looks at my dad like a scared rabbit and steps back asking
"What!? Why?"
So the falconer turns round and says
"Because with a son you only have to worry about one prick in town, but with a daughter you have to worry about every prick in town."
"And you're one of the pricks" my dad added. This worried the poor lad and my dad, seeing his advantage, decided to wind him up even more.
"Alright, I'll make you a deal. Guess which one of these girls is my daughter. It you're correct, I'll punch you. If you don't, I won't." he said laughing, holding his fist up in a mock-fighting pose.
"I don't know! I don't know!" Stoner boy said, going up a few decibels.
"Alright, you ready?" dad laughed as he geared up for the punch, only to drop his arm with a booming laugh as the boy skirted away to hide beside his friend.

All the while this was going on, bird-boy had managed to sly onto Holly and wrap his arm around her. I don't blame him either, she is very pretty. And Holly didn't seem to mind either. And although he was drunk, I'd rather it was him that Stoner boy. My dad, seeing this and being in his wind-up mode, decided to turn on them next. Not in a nasty way, just teasing them as most dads will.

The night ended up with Holly giving the guy her number then finding out that he wasn't 17 as he had told her but actually 22/23. How this was found out I have no idea so who knows how old he is...

It was a brilliant weekend though, thank you Holly for being made of awesome.

It Will Make You Crazy

So I started talking to someone new recently which is quite refreshing as it opens up a whole new window of things to talk about instead of those same old conversations I seem to have with the people I know. Anyway, he asked me to tell him about myself and this got me thinking, how can I describe myself in one sentence? (I know, that sounds quite conceited but I assure you I'm not trying to be.) So in the end I came up with this:

"I'm a harry potter fan girl who likes formal wear and tea parties."

This got me thinking about my blogger profile and how I desperately needed to update it. I began to make a short list of things about myself and at first thought quite cockily that "oh, I'm so different and original and blah blah blah". But then I had to laugh at myself. I'm not different, or original, or even the slightest bit out of the ordinary. I'm your basic teenager who, like all the others my age, are stuck in that limbo of not quite grown up but not exactly immature. I mean after all, most girls aged16-17 are disorganised, whiny and often try to be some deep thinking soul when actually nobody cares about their most profound thoughts.

And yet I still continue to tell you mine, silly isn't it?

Contemplating other people's thoughts reminded me of all those stupid love quite people think of which are apparently meant to be 'cute' but in actual fact make anyone who doesn't hold their heart on their sleeve feel slightly sick. Although saying this, a few months ago I did find quite a lovely quote by the artist Andre Jordan which goes:

I do not care what car you drive, where you live, if you know someone who knows someone who knows someone, if your clothes are this years cutting edge, if your trust fund is unlimited, if you are A-list, B-list or never heard of you list. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you truly own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

Quite lovely, isn't it?

Profession: Liar. Liar, Liar, Liar.

A Chinook just flew over and shook my whole house. Shocking really, but that's not what I was going to blog for.

I really wish my comments link worked then I could get feedback with having to take up space in other people's blog. I mean, I love reading your blog Sammy but I'm sure you'd prefer it if you could just leave a comment on the end of my post rather then having to include what you want to say in your blog. If that makes sense? Haha. Fail.

The problem is, I put a lot of effort into making this layout and don't want to get rid of it. I'm stuck with the decision to either get rid of my layout for one that in my opinion isn't very nice but has a comments link or leave my layout as it is and not have a comments link. Who knew such a silly decision could cause so much strife. Pfft.

I'm really nervous to get my results on Thursday. If I don't get an alright result in my graphics I won't be able to continue it at A-Level and my hopes of becoming a graphic designer/photo editor/something similar will be crushed and I'll have no idea what I'll do.

Why does so much always rid on something so little.

Oh What A Beautiful Mess This Is.

If someone you liked told you they thought you as more of a sister then anything else, would you see this as a positive or negative thing?

At first I thought it was a positive thing as it plays a part in the fact that it's not you they don't like, it's the fact that being with you would just be a little strange. Perfectly normal, understandable and I respect that.

On the other hand, for some reason it feels like having a knife stabbed through your stomach. If they felt that way why didn't they say in the first place? And why don't you have the same feelings for them? Has it turned into some kind of inbreeding but not quite?

This is so confusing. I thought I was done with all this by now. It's ridiculous, as soon as I think I've sorted something out, something else comes up that has me all in a tizzle. Namely:

	Peter			hi
	Peter			care to explain why u have blocked me on msn and facebook?
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			You honestly want to know? Even though it'll hurt?
	Peter			yh
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Because you're really dull to talk to and I've had enough of dead end conversations
	Peter			ok thats msn, explain facebook
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Well why stop at msn?
	Peter			so in other words, you just dont like me
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			I didn't say that but if that's how you're going to take it...
	Peter			you just said why stop at msn, facebook is something you can use to know what your friends are up to, so as you have blocked me it could be put as we are not friends
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Well we were more acquaintances anyway
	Peter			right
	Peter			well you could have told me before on msn instead of just blocking me
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Well I don't really like telling people things like this, I prefer to just cut all ties straight away
	Peter			i first thought it was so you would not have told me about the little trick
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			The little trick?
	Peter			you, chris, hollie and charlie apparently being in guildford on wednesday
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Right, not my idea. Please take this up with one of them instead.
	Peter			well i spoke to charlie and she had no idea about it
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			You do realise it was Chris & Holly that were talking to you when all that was planned..
	Peter			yh
	Peter			but you know about it
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Indeed.
	Peter			well as we have sorted all of this out bye
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Bye

Sorry the format's weird, it's copy and pasted from my MSN chat log.

I thought I was done with this too? I mean, usually when you block someone they don't sink so low into actually creating a new account just to talk. If someone blocks you, surely that's a hint that they don't want to talk to you.

Alright, so I admit that I was a bitch for blocking him in the first place and then saying that it was someone else that planned the whole nasty business of pretending that we were going to meet him when we had no intrntion of doing so (although, it is true, I didn't plan it - just had a helping hand in the process). But it you've never spoken to him then you have no right in stating your opinion. I'm sorry but he's just one of those people who don't deserve the wonders of msn and facebook.

I just watched the Eurofighter doing it's thing for the airshow from my bedroom window. That's cheered me up a lot.

I'm so sick of everything now. I want college to start now. I don't care about missing out of the last few days of summer, I just want the change right now.

I Wouldn't Be Caught Dead In This Place

So recently I've made a couple of discoveries about myself that I didn't know about. Well of course I didn't know about them, otherwise they wouldn't be discoveries. Funnily enough, all of these discoveries are from facebook quizzes.

Number One:
Thanks to those iritatingly addictive facebook quizzes I've found out that in the not to distant future I'm going to be "really fat". My worst nightmare all rolled out and ready thanks to one quiz and probably because I said I prefer cupcakes over green beans.

Number Two:
Another quiz, another discovery. Appartently I act 6 years old - not the impression I want to give out on the first day of college. Time to grow up? Maybe this has a link between my future obesity, I mean there's always programmes on telling viewers about fat children. Y'know, I'm quite glad I was born and raised in a not-so-fat decade.

Number Three:
Not only will I be a obese six-year-old in an adult body but according to yet annother quiz from facebook I am also going to be a hobo. Quoting the result directly I will "be very poor and suck at life". So I guess college is going to be a complete waste of time too?

Don't you love facebook and the inspiring quizzes created on it?

I wish I had boots like Soko does just so I can find my own dandy cowboy with the matching hat and feel guts growing under my skirt after wearing my magic smile because after all I too can't be me when I'm in front of you. ♥

You're the Man, I'm the Girl, We Look Good Together.

Cor blimey, I was so upset when I last posted. I'm sorry about that, I was just desperate to blog and that's all that was on my mind. Moving on to happier thoughts...

Yesterday I was downloading music by Soko and never realised how brilliant her songs are. One of them is called "I Will Never Love you" and although the title makes to sound like another silly little love song, it's really really not. It's fantastic and caused me to write my own version.

I will never love you more than the lovely Ronald Weasley
I will never love you more than Time Burton films
I will never love you more than Pretty Odd by Panic at the Disco
I will never love you more than Northern Downpour

I will never love you more than geeky sleepover with my friends
When we talk about silly things and bitch about people we don't like
I will never love you more than my imaginary friend
Yes, he's better then you, so I'll never love you more

And you say, you love me more than everything
And compared to me everything is nothing

I will never love you more than the Harry Potter premiere
And how I stood on the freezing rain for 12 hours just for a glimpse of the trio
I will never love you more than my pets
And you're allergic so I'll never love you more

I will never love you more than dancing to Bugsey Malone
I will never love you more than my ukulele
I will never love you more than Brendon Urie himself
For me he is more than any God, I will never love you more

And you say, you love me more than everything
And compared to me everything is nothing

Ohh, this is sweet, I just wonder what it means

You say you love me more than all the girls you've had before
Even more than music, even more than yourself
Even more than everything but it's just a lie
So I will never love you more than anything

I will never love you more than singing loudly and badly
I will never love you more than Photoshop CS3
I will never love you more than watching livelavalive videos
I will never love you more than Zachary Quinto

I will never love you more than a mug of tea
I will never love you more than the mythbusters
I will never love you more than ripping off really good songs by Soko

I will never love you more
I will never love you more

I highly suggest you look up some songs by Soko; including the song The Dandy Cowboys because it's amazing.

It's nice to be back.

I'll Do Anything For A Smile

Is it possible to be upset about something roughly 8 months after it happened? Even if during those 8 months you felt absolutely nothing towards the situation until now? It's ridiculous and it's exactly how I'm feeling. A few days ago I was crying over the stupidest things and now I'm even listen to music that I used to listen to 8 months ago. I'm looking through old photos and I'm coming across photos on websites that remind me of the days back then.

It's not that I miss it. It's far from that. It's more of the fact that it makes me feel sick thinking about it and makes me squirm because of how uncomfortable I am thinking about it. I hate this. I want to forget all about it like I've been able to do for 8 months.

It's the little things that I seems to keep remembering. Like some of the things that were said and how situations were played out. I keep going over things again and again in my head but the more I think about it the more it upsets me.

I think it may be the fact that I've had so much spare time that I've had more of a chance to think and remember different aspects of what's upsetting me. It's almost been a month since I last posted. It worries me slightly that the longest summer I'll have is quickly becoming the worst I've had so far.