You Took Something Perfect And Painted It Red

I moan a lot in this.

I hate it when you don't meet expectations but sometimes people take it too far. When people's expectations include you having to get wasted out of your mind and have to make an absolute fool of yourself just to reach what they think is acceptable is just a little bit over the line if you know what I mean...

Just for the record, I don't drink like you, I don't smoke, I don't play games that would easily embarrass me. And the thing is, all these things irritate you - I can tell. You see me sitting there with a glass of water instead of vodka and the smile gets wiped off your face so quickly you think no-one has seen. I've noticed it so many times it's unreal. You ask if I'm okay because I'm not screaming or laughing as much as everyone else. I tell you I'm fine, just tired. It's true, I do get tired but the truth is I'm sick of you asking if everything is okay. If I want a drink. If I want to join in. If if if. Well want if I'm fine being sober? What if I like knowing where I am? What if I like remembering what happen last night?

And another thing, I know I'm the dull one at your party. I know I'm the one who doesn't fit in with the rest of you. I really appreciate the invite and I thank you for including me. So I'm sorry if I irritate you with my worrying. I'm sorry I feel responsible to make sure everyone is okay. I'm sorry if I make a drama sometimes with things no-one really cares about. I'm sorry for ruining your fun at times.

To be honest I don't think I'll change, not yet anyway. I'm a worrier, it's what I do. Please don't think less of me. I don't mean to freak out about little things. This isn't a stab at you, it's more of a stab at myself for being so annoying. You don't have to say anything, I know I am, I annoy myself.

Too much I, sorry. Shush now.