How did we get so mean?

Do you ever wish you could be someone completely different? Maybe because you don't like your appearance or your voice or you taste in music. Maybe the person you want to be is, in your opinion, perfect. A shiny star in a dull, cloudy night, the patch of green in a dead field, the kiss at the end of a letter, a smile when you're feeling low. You get what I mean.

I want to be different. I'm sick of the label I've managed to stick onto myself. I tired of people knowing exactly what to expect when they talk to me or meet me. People realising straight away the type of person I am. I wish I could go right back to before it all started and begin again. I'd change things; I'd make decisions for myself not let other people influence me. I'd laugh along rather then feeling embarrassed and I'd erase summer 2006 completely. That was such an awful time.

But then if I did that I wouldn't know the people I know now. I'd be some freaky girl who doesn't speak. Someone stuck in the same place with no choice which the way her life is going. But isn't that exactly how I feel now? Stuck as a stereotype with no choice.

I'm going to change and I don't want anyone to hold me back. I want to be pushed head first into a new me. A new start. College is too far away to wait for it to change me. I have to start now. Good bye old self, hello new person. Anyone willing to help? I need people to rely on, to help me on my way. Someone to say "Yeah, okay, great idea" not "You're insane, why do you want to change, I like you how you are!".

That’s part of the problem. People don't like change. I welcome it with open arms. Any change is good - even when it's bad. A break-up or a death, they change you. But you move on. I want a lot of change, a massive one. One that's unstoppable and alters everything. I want everything to change. Not everyone, just everything. New ideas, new laughs, new people. New and different and fun.