I Got Troubled Thoughts and the Self-Esteem to Match

Sick days; I hate them. They're so dull but you can't do anything about it as you feel to ill to do anything and can't summon the energy to. It sucks. Even more so when you realise that you have left over homework to do of the maths variety and you can't remember how to do the work. No matter how many times you look back at your old work from earlier lessons, you still don't understand. And then you find out you have double maths the next day. Oh life can be cruel.

I've been feeling so low lately; and not just because I'm not feeling 100%. I seem to have really low self-esteem for no reason at all. I mean, it's not like I have a bad life or anything, I'm not really enjoying it at the moment. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I've become obsessed with changing but can't actually figure out how to. There are a few options I've thought of but have had to cross them off my list as they wouldn't be "suitable". Want me to run through a couple?

1. Dye my hair - a change in my hair colour could suddenly boost some confident and personality out of me. It might propel me into the type of person I want to be and sort everything out. On the other hand, last time I had a colour test I was allergic so I wouldn't even be able to dye it.
2. Lose weight - not a whole load, just a little bit so I would get the type of figure that everyone has on 90210. Personally, I'd love to look like that. Everyone says it's disgusting and no-one should look like that but deep down, I bet they would love to have a body like anyone on that TV show. But, know the people I know, they'll all just get angry at me for even thinking that. Sorry if I don't eat at school by the way, "I don't like eating at school."
3. Change my 'look'. But to do this I would have to buy new clothes, new make-up, new everything. And true that's exactly what I want but sadly, I don't have the money or the guts to revamp myself in such a short time. And I don't think many people would appreciate me changing what I am. They'll think I'm fake and a total loser and nobody want that.

So yeah, basically I'm screwed. I want to change, I really do, but I have no idea how to. I'm so desperate I've even looked on Wiki-How to see what kind of things other people do to change. But to be honest, it wasn't very helpful. Most of the time it was things like "Buy different clothes", "Change your hairstyle" or "See different people". Is it too much to ask to be able to completely change myself without upsetting or losing the people I hang out with?

Perhaps this whole saga goes down to the fact that it's January and a lot of people get what;s called "January Blues". I think it's just that. Oh yay, shoved back into the "toned down and normal" category of life. Isn't it fun!?

My answer: no. Definitely not fun.