The World Could Show Nothing To Me

I always seem to have the strangest thoughts when I'm in the bath. No, not illicit thoughts, more like pondering.

Thought 1
So imagine the world is made up of playing cards, what card would you be? Think about it carefully, it could mean a lot more than you think it does.
At first I thought I might be the 3 of hearts; fitting in with the rest of the pack, not standing out. Always in three different states: love, hate, imagination. But then I realised that no, I wasn't the three of hearts. The three of hearts is a very popular card - I mean, let's face it, the hearts are most people's favourites. And I'm not that popular. There are so many other people more worth of the three of hearts, those shiny types that make everything else in the room seem a little brighter when they walk in. I am not one of those people.
So this is when I looked up card meaning - yes, I am taking it this far. I am definitely a three, I have a good feeling about it; according to this list I have found it represents "creativity and communication" so perhaps? Or maybe not. For the sake of this idea I am going to stick with the three.
Now, just for the suit. I figured that I'm not a diamond either, diamonds are lucky and bold. Although second best to the heart (which I have found to be something I describe myself as quite often: second-best), they are still too popular for me. So I'm left with either a club or a spade. I looked up these two on my list, a three of clubs symbolises helpful people and events. Now, I have been told that I am helpful and I know I can be but with this idea of the playing cards I'm imagining it to be more about the person you see, not the person everyone else sees. I know myself better than most people and I am not helpful to myself, thus the three of clubs is out the window. So at last we come to the three of spades: "three's a crowd". Three's a crowd? Yes. This is what I've been feeling lately. Sort of apart of a group but still feeling like a complete outsider in every situation.

So there we have it. I am a three of spades.

Alex, to me you are the jack of hearts: "youthful, ambition without focus, lively youth" and how I wish I was like you. Ambition without focus to me just means you are impulsive and slightly erratic. all positive. Although, like I said, this cards thing is all about how you see yourself not how others see you.

Thought 2
I've found that all my friends, every single one of them has something interesting and different about them. Something that sets them apart from everyone else. Something that you would notice and single-out if they were in a crowd.
I don't want to use an example as I'm not sure people would really want to be written about in my blog if they won't know about it. But just take a look around and you'll soon start to see that everyone seems to have something spectacular about them.
The thing is, I've been trying to find something about me that makes me stand out, and I cannot find anything. Nothing about me makes me stand out of the crowd. There is always someone or something that overshadows me. Second-best. I shouldn't be upset at people for standing out, and I'm not, it's just I would like to stand out once in a while. Make myself heard without feeling like a total poser.

Self-loathing always springs up in the bath tub.