My Breath Fogged Up The Glass So I Drew A New Face And Laughed

I've just discovered what I really dislike about our headteacher. Yes, she's irritating and pathetic but I'm finally realised what makes me so annoyed with her. It's the fact that she makes all these changes without giving us a reason or consulting anyone first. Sure, she has her "Headteacher meetings" but no-one pays any attention in them and she just assumes that because she's he headteacher, we'll be happy with whatever she decides to do. At least we've only got a few weeks left before we get to leave. That's quite shocking actually; only a few weeks to go. It's crazy, at the beginning of the year it felt like we still had years to go but once we got past Christmas the time is just flying by. And to think, by the end of next week I won't have to do any more coursework for school either. Sure, I'll get some in college but not in school. Never again. How strange.

I've recently been writing letters to friends. Friends who I see everyday but decided it would be nice to write to them. I've got three letters to write over the weekend, as well as finishing off all my coursework. I don't mind though, so long as they write back. But then, if they don't I won't mind either because at least I made them happy for a little while. What I mean by that is the fact that when you get mail as a teenagers you feel quite loved and proud because someone has taken the time to write. You appreciate it a little more then adults as they get them all the time...saying that, most of their letters are bills of some sort.

I watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas last night. One of the funniest, if not strangest, films I've ever seen. Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro are brilliant in it. My two favourite lines of the whole film had to be: "We can't stop here, it's bat country!" and of course, "I've never missed a plane yet..." and then the actions that followed. Absolutely hilarious.

What is the deal with people saying "To be honest" after every sentence nowadays? Fair enough if it makes sense but what it's something such as: "I need a pen...to be honest". I just don't understand. I'm such an English Geek. I can't stand it when people use phrases incorrectly.

Oh I'm being so hypocritical. Here I am saying how I hate people who use phrases incorrectly when I am a criminal in my own eyes. I say "like" far to often and really want to stop but I just forget. Especially when I'm stressed or taking quickly as the word just slips out. I need help from someone to help me break the habit. No-one will take me seriously if I continually say "like" in every sentence.

Russian Roulette Is Not The Same Without A Gun

I think my brain may have exploded...or imploded. Whichever. All I know is that the thought of having to concentrate on something makes me want to dig my claws into my scalp and rip my squishy brain out of my head and stamp on it. Exaggeration? Yeah, probably but you get the jist of it.

But why on earth is my brain so painful? Well that would be because of the RS homework I had to complete. Something about how festivals are all important and what's my opinion. The thing is I'm not exactly religious. Sure, I've been Christened and if I were to get married I'd probably have the service in a church. But an opinion on different Christian festivals? Okay, fair enough I like Easter and Christmas and I'm over half way though Lent now but Epiphany? Pentecost? Um, no thanks. Surely if you were to have an opinion on a subjects you would want to at least now about them in detail first? Oh well, it's done now.

Moving on from that, I find school isn't a very interesting subject. Now, I have a question for you, whoever you may be. If you could apologise to one part of your body, which part would you say sorry to? So for example you could say sorry to your skin for making it so dry or orange, you could apologise to your eyes for burning them with the sun or getting bits of make up on them, or even ask for forgiveness from your hair for damaging it so much with all your stylish products. Personally, I would apologise to my brain. Like I said, I would so much like to stamp on it right now but I suppose it's just It's way of making me pay for the times I've filled It with nonsense and dreams that will never happen and forcing It to learn things that I probably will not need. So Brain, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the stupid times I went with my feelings rather then listening to you. I'm sorry for the many times that I've made you ache because of stress or lack of sleep. I'm sorry for that time I cursed you for not being as good as other people's brains. I'm sorry for all the times you were right but I let others persuade me into thinking that you were wrong. But mostly I'm sorry for putting you under so much pressure recently. And yes, that pressure will continue for the next few weeks and maybe later on in my life too. However, to show you that I appriciate you (because I really, really do), I promise that I will never rot you. I promise I will never kills you with drugs. I promise I will not let you waste away to something useless. And I promise I will listen to you as much as I can so long as you promise me to behave and help me rather then lead me off on the wrong track. So finally, thank your Brain. Thank you for letting me think and imagine. And thank you for staying with me for the past sixteen years. Thank you for filling up with knowledge and thank you for being the right size.

Sorry and thank you.

He Said Girl You Better Try To Have Fun

Mother's Day? What a disaster. It started out fine, my mum loved her gift and card, we had a nice relaxing morning. I made her tea and a hot cross bun and we generally had a nice morning. It all turned sour when if came to the walk in the forest. Again, everything was fine until Whizz (our dog) was let off the lead. At first it was fine, he'd go galloping about make friends with everyone. But then he ran right up to a horse. Now usually the horses are quite tame and are used to animal and people seeing as they're often surrounded by them. But for Whizz, not so much. Whizz went straight to the back of the horse and got kicked. Has anyone ever been kicked by a horse? I haven't but you can imagine the pain Whizz felt and boy did we hear it. Whizz jumped and ran crying as loud as he could away from the horse. We had to try and catch him and settle him down. He was hurt that was for sure but it was nothing major. He was limping for a little while but soon enough he was himself again. We're still keeping him in for a couple of days just to make sure nothing did happen that we didn't spot straight away. Now I know what you're saying, "why don't you take him to a vet?" Well our vet is away at the moment and yes we could find another but seeing as he can still walk and probably just has some bruising I'm sure he'll be fine. If he had broken something or really hurt himself he wouldn't have run away. He wouldn't have been about to.

Okay, enough about the dog. How was your mothers day? I hope it was better then mine. My mum got really upset because Whizz is practically her baby and in all fairness it was quite a shock.

I've been looking for dresses recently for ROA day - seeing as the only people who actually read my blog go to my school there's not really any point to explaining what this day is. However, if there is the slightest chance that someone else is reading my blog, ROA day is when all the year 11's (last year) leave the school and we all dress up smart to receive our Record of Achievement. Now, my search for a nice dress has sadly turned out to be a little hopeless seeing as there aren't many out yet. And yes, I know, ROA isn't until May but I just want to be prepared.

So instead of my of a dress I've been looking for skirts too. This has also wound up as a bad idea seeing as all of the skirts are below the knee and Lord knows short people can't wear skirts below the knee - it just makes you look short. Well in my case it does anyway. So does anyone have any ideas?

And If I Was Blessed, I'd Walk On The Water You're Breathing

It's Mother's Day and we're going for a picnic in the forest to say hello to the ponies. How many horses are in the forest? Well none of course, they're all ponies. I made my mum happy today; unlike Dave Pelzer, author and traumatised child from A Boy Called It. It's a horrific tale and I'm not sure why I'm reading it, it's so depressing. But I quite like reading real life stories; not because I'm sick in the head and like to hear about the pain some people go though because of no fault of their own but because they make me appreciate my live and the people in it more. I realise how privileged I am and reminds me of the fact that I have nothing to complain about. So I get spots? So I don't look like I wished I looked like? So I have disagreements with people and get angry? They're such little problems compared to Dave Pelzer's or Anya Peter's.

I received the news that Jade Goody died today; on Mother's Day. It must be such an awful time for her family and friends, my heart goes out to them all, she was so brave. And truth be told, I never really like Jade Goody as I didn't understand why she was famous but no-one deserves to die at 27. Especially if that person has a loving family, had just been married and still had so much to live for. I'm happy that she managed to get married. I watched some of it on TV when it was on and it was so emotional. I feel so sorry for her mother, husband and children the most. They must be going through such a heartbreaking time. But I suppose it also gives them a sense of closure to know that she won't be suffering the immense pain anymore that she was feeling whilst she was in hospital. At least it's over in a sense even though it's such a terrible fate.

This blog started off so happy but ended so sad. I'm sorry, I'll try to brighten it up. How about so lyrics that have been making me smile for the past couple of days? Read the lyrics and you're smile too. Imagine someone singing them to you; someone who loves you.

And if I could swim
I'd swim out to you in the ocean,
Swim out to where you were floating
in the dark.
And if was blessed
I walk on the water you're breathing,
To lend you some air for that heaving
Sunken chest.
'Cause they chose you
As the model
For their empty little dreams.
With your new head
And your legs spread
Like a filthy magazine.
And they hunt you
And they gut you
And you give in.

And if I was brave
I'd climb up to you on the mountain.
They led you to drink from their fountain
Spouting lies.
And I'd slay
The horrible beast they commissioned
To steer me away from my mission
To your eyes,
And I'd stand there
Like a soldier
With my foot upon his chest.
With my grin spread
And my arms out
In my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me
I'd remind you
Who you are...
Under their shell..

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you

And if they sent a whirlwind,
I'd hug it like a harmless little tree.
Or an earthquake,
I'd calm it,
And I'd bring you back to me,
And I'd hold you
In my weak arms like a first born.

I'd walk through hell for you.
Let it burn right through my shoes.
These soles are useless without you.
Through hell for you
Let the torturing ensue.
My soul is useless without you (through hell for you)

(through hell for you) without you
Without you (through hell for you)
Without you (through hell for you)

Now, I've walked through hell for you,
What's an adventurer to do
But rest these feet at home with you.

If you're wondering which song it is, it's by Say Anything and is called A Walk Through Hell. I love it so much, it cheers me up immensely.

Have a beautiful day. :)

Don't Pretend To Not Love Me Anymore Because I Don't Believe You

I can't stand it when people have 'bad times' in their lives. Like when they're depressed, upset or just everything around them is falling down but you can't do anything to help them. I mean, you can either try and cheer them up but just end up annoying or upsetting them even further; or you can try to make it so even though everything is going south in their lives you'll be there to make a steady rock so they can cling on if they need some support...but if you do that it may look like you don't care when you really really do. It's such an awful situation for both the person who needs cheering up and the person trying to cheer them up.

On a brighter note, I've almost finished my coursework. Yes, because school is a happy topic. All I've got to do now is finish painting my graphics, make a box for it, make a rule-book, finish off section D in business and complete section E. Oh, did I mention I only have roughly 2 weeks to do that in? On top of that I have to revise for all my other subjects, sort out Easter Revision, keep the house tidy to help mum out and finish off a friend's birthday present. Oh joyful days.

Only a few months left, just a few to go. Then it's over, just college to get through but that'll be fine. I won't have to mix with the people I don't like to mix with at school. Five years is quite enough, sorry guys. Oh and anyone reading thing who thinks it might be them, it isn't, trust me on that. The people I don't like are too cool to read my blog.

This is such a small blog for today. I have an urge to write one more word: FireFox.

I Used To Think Maybe You Liked Me

Uh-oh, I'm in trouble. I abandoned my blog. Not on purpose, I've just be weighed down with things at the moment and blog updates just slipped my mind. Y'know how things just pile up and leave you completely swamped and you just can't keep everything in your brain and when you try to you end up getting a headache? Or migraine? It's not pleasant and it hurts. Nevermind, after this month everything will begin to float away and I can concentrate in more important things. Such as the sun and how I'm going to end up spending my EMA in the new academic year.

Really to get all cringey-deep-and-meaningful-but-truthful-at-the-same-time? I know I am. I've been watching the sky a lot more lately. I love it so much, I think it's my favourite part of nature and well probably the world. It's so pretty and different, you couldn't replicate it. Not probably anyway. It's always changing and moving and causing all sorts of problems but it doesn't mean to. It's just doing it's job.

Don't you love those mornings when everything is really crisp, fresh and bubbly. If you look carefully you can see all the separate different aspects of the leaves and trees and most of all, the sky. You can see everything really clearly and it's so beautiful.

Back to the sky, I love how it changes colour. All the blues, purple and turquoises and then to reds, pinks and bright oranges. Sometimes it's black with shining stars of silver but at other times it's pure white and looks like it needs colouring in. If I could colour the sky, I'd keep it bright blue just like in the summer when it's always blue. It makes people feels happy because there's no dark clouds to ruin the pretty sky. I really do love it.

I was surpised to see when I logged on that I had 2 followers. I mean, I know them but it makes me feel all warm and bubbly because people are actually reading this silly little thing. I'm so sorry I adandoned you little blog. I won't do it again.

I ripped out all of my old diary entries from months ago a couple of days ago. I've still got them; hidden in a draw so nobody else reads them. I think it's hilarious to read them back. I'm not going to destroy them as it's how I felt at the time but still, they are funny.

Happy Red Nose Day everyone.