It Will Make You Crazy

So I started talking to someone new recently which is quite refreshing as it opens up a whole new window of things to talk about instead of those same old conversations I seem to have with the people I know. Anyway, he asked me to tell him about myself and this got me thinking, how can I describe myself in one sentence? (I know, that sounds quite conceited but I assure you I'm not trying to be.) So in the end I came up with this:

"I'm a harry potter fan girl who likes formal wear and tea parties."

This got me thinking about my blogger profile and how I desperately needed to update it. I began to make a short list of things about myself and at first thought quite cockily that "oh, I'm so different and original and blah blah blah". But then I had to laugh at myself. I'm not different, or original, or even the slightest bit out of the ordinary. I'm your basic teenager who, like all the others my age, are stuck in that limbo of not quite grown up but not exactly immature. I mean after all, most girls aged16-17 are disorganised, whiny and often try to be some deep thinking soul when actually nobody cares about their most profound thoughts.

And yet I still continue to tell you mine, silly isn't it?

Contemplating other people's thoughts reminded me of all those stupid love quite people think of which are apparently meant to be 'cute' but in actual fact make anyone who doesn't hold their heart on their sleeve feel slightly sick. Although saying this, a few months ago I did find quite a lovely quote by the artist Andre Jordan which goes:

I do not care what car you drive, where you live, if you know someone who knows someone who knows someone, if your clothes are this years cutting edge, if your trust fund is unlimited, if you are A-list, B-list or never heard of you list. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you truly own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

Quite lovely, isn't it?

Profession: Liar. Liar, Liar, Liar.

A Chinook just flew over and shook my whole house. Shocking really, but that's not what I was going to blog for.

I really wish my comments link worked then I could get feedback with having to take up space in other people's blog. I mean, I love reading your blog Sammy but I'm sure you'd prefer it if you could just leave a comment on the end of my post rather then having to include what you want to say in your blog. If that makes sense? Haha. Fail.

The problem is, I put a lot of effort into making this layout and don't want to get rid of it. I'm stuck with the decision to either get rid of my layout for one that in my opinion isn't very nice but has a comments link or leave my layout as it is and not have a comments link. Who knew such a silly decision could cause so much strife. Pfft.

I'm really nervous to get my results on Thursday. If I don't get an alright result in my graphics I won't be able to continue it at A-Level and my hopes of becoming a graphic designer/photo editor/something similar will be crushed and I'll have no idea what I'll do.

Why does so much always rid on something so little.

Oh What A Beautiful Mess This Is.

If someone you liked told you they thought you as more of a sister then anything else, would you see this as a positive or negative thing?

At first I thought it was a positive thing as it plays a part in the fact that it's not you they don't like, it's the fact that being with you would just be a little strange. Perfectly normal, understandable and I respect that.

On the other hand, for some reason it feels like having a knife stabbed through your stomach. If they felt that way why didn't they say in the first place? And why don't you have the same feelings for them? Has it turned into some kind of inbreeding but not quite?

This is so confusing. I thought I was done with all this by now. It's ridiculous, as soon as I think I've sorted something out, something else comes up that has me all in a tizzle. Namely:

	Peter			hi
	Peter			care to explain why u have blocked me on msn and facebook?
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			You honestly want to know? Even though it'll hurt?
	Peter			yh
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Because you're really dull to talk to and I've had enough of dead end conversations
	Peter			ok thats msn, explain facebook
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Well why stop at msn?
	Peter			so in other words, you just dont like me
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			I didn't say that but if that's how you're going to take it...
	Peter			you just said why stop at msn, facebook is something you can use to know what your friends are up to, so as you have blocked me it could be put as we are not friends
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Well we were more acquaintances anyway
	Peter			right
	Peter			well you could have told me before on msn instead of just blocking me
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Well I don't really like telling people things like this, I prefer to just cut all ties straight away
	Peter			i first thought it was so you would not have told me about the little trick
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			The little trick?
	Peter			you, chris, hollie and charlie apparently being in guildford on wednesday
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Right, not my idea. Please take this up with one of them instead.
	Peter			well i spoke to charlie and she had no idea about it
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			You do realise it was Chris & Holly that were talking to you when all that was planned..
	Peter			yh
	Peter			but you know about it
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Indeed.
	Peter			well as we have sorted all of this out bye
	(ap) Bippie. Hello World.			Bye

Sorry the format's weird, it's copy and pasted from my MSN chat log.

I thought I was done with this too? I mean, usually when you block someone they don't sink so low into actually creating a new account just to talk. If someone blocks you, surely that's a hint that they don't want to talk to you.

Alright, so I admit that I was a bitch for blocking him in the first place and then saying that it was someone else that planned the whole nasty business of pretending that we were going to meet him when we had no intrntion of doing so (although, it is true, I didn't plan it - just had a helping hand in the process). But it you've never spoken to him then you have no right in stating your opinion. I'm sorry but he's just one of those people who don't deserve the wonders of msn and facebook.

I just watched the Eurofighter doing it's thing for the airshow from my bedroom window. That's cheered me up a lot.

I'm so sick of everything now. I want college to start now. I don't care about missing out of the last few days of summer, I just want the change right now.

I Wouldn't Be Caught Dead In This Place

So recently I've made a couple of discoveries about myself that I didn't know about. Well of course I didn't know about them, otherwise they wouldn't be discoveries. Funnily enough, all of these discoveries are from facebook quizzes.

Number One:
Thanks to those iritatingly addictive facebook quizzes I've found out that in the not to distant future I'm going to be "really fat". My worst nightmare all rolled out and ready thanks to one quiz and probably because I said I prefer cupcakes over green beans.

Number Two:
Another quiz, another discovery. Appartently I act 6 years old - not the impression I want to give out on the first day of college. Time to grow up? Maybe this has a link between my future obesity, I mean there's always programmes on telling viewers about fat children. Y'know, I'm quite glad I was born and raised in a not-so-fat decade.

Number Three:
Not only will I be a obese six-year-old in an adult body but according to yet annother quiz from facebook I am also going to be a hobo. Quoting the result directly I will "be very poor and suck at life". So I guess college is going to be a complete waste of time too?

Don't you love facebook and the inspiring quizzes created on it?

I wish I had boots like Soko does just so I can find my own dandy cowboy with the matching hat and feel guts growing under my skirt after wearing my magic smile because after all I too can't be me when I'm in front of you. ♥

You're the Man, I'm the Girl, We Look Good Together.

Cor blimey, I was so upset when I last posted. I'm sorry about that, I was just desperate to blog and that's all that was on my mind. Moving on to happier thoughts...

Yesterday I was downloading music by Soko and never realised how brilliant her songs are. One of them is called "I Will Never Love you" and although the title makes to sound like another silly little love song, it's really really not. It's fantastic and caused me to write my own version.

I will never love you more than the lovely Ronald Weasley
I will never love you more than Time Burton films
I will never love you more than Pretty Odd by Panic at the Disco
I will never love you more than Northern Downpour

I will never love you more than geeky sleepover with my friends
When we talk about silly things and bitch about people we don't like
I will never love you more than my imaginary friend
Yes, he's better then you, so I'll never love you more

And you say, you love me more than everything
And compared to me everything is nothing

I will never love you more than the Harry Potter premiere
And how I stood on the freezing rain for 12 hours just for a glimpse of the trio
I will never love you more than my pets
And you're allergic so I'll never love you more

I will never love you more than dancing to Bugsey Malone
I will never love you more than my ukulele
I will never love you more than Brendon Urie himself
For me he is more than any God, I will never love you more

And you say, you love me more than everything
And compared to me everything is nothing

Ohh, this is sweet, I just wonder what it means

You say you love me more than all the girls you've had before
Even more than music, even more than yourself
Even more than everything but it's just a lie
So I will never love you more than anything

I will never love you more than singing loudly and badly
I will never love you more than Photoshop CS3
I will never love you more than watching livelavalive videos
I will never love you more than Zachary Quinto

I will never love you more than a mug of tea
I will never love you more than the mythbusters
I will never love you more than ripping off really good songs by Soko

I will never love you more
I will never love you more

I highly suggest you look up some songs by Soko; including the song The Dandy Cowboys because it's amazing.

It's nice to be back.

I'll Do Anything For A Smile

Is it possible to be upset about something roughly 8 months after it happened? Even if during those 8 months you felt absolutely nothing towards the situation until now? It's ridiculous and it's exactly how I'm feeling. A few days ago I was crying over the stupidest things and now I'm even listen to music that I used to listen to 8 months ago. I'm looking through old photos and I'm coming across photos on websites that remind me of the days back then.

It's not that I miss it. It's far from that. It's more of the fact that it makes me feel sick thinking about it and makes me squirm because of how uncomfortable I am thinking about it. I hate this. I want to forget all about it like I've been able to do for 8 months.

It's the little things that I seems to keep remembering. Like some of the things that were said and how situations were played out. I keep going over things again and again in my head but the more I think about it the more it upsets me.

I think it may be the fact that I've had so much spare time that I've had more of a chance to think and remember different aspects of what's upsetting me. It's almost been a month since I last posted. It worries me slightly that the longest summer I'll have is quickly becoming the worst I've had so far.