You just said that you don't like seeing me hurt. You said you hate seeing me thing upset. You said you haven't seen me this upset in years. But what if you're the reason that I'm hurt? What if you're why I'm upset? What if you're the whole reason for everything. Everything I've been hiding from you. Everything I've kept locked up and hidden away from your prying eyes? Because I'll tell you, you are the reason and the sole purpose for me crying right now. You're why I hide so much from everyone I meet. You're why I can't tell you why or what or when or how.
It's not that I don't trust you or love you because I do. I trust you. And I love you. Very much. But that doesn't mean I want to tell you everything. I don't tell you because I love you. I don't want to hurt you just like you don't want to hurt me. That's why it's so difficult to tell you these things when the time comes simply because I love you and I trust you and I would hate to see you in any kind of pain.
I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for the emotions I feeling. For the words that I've said and the many more that are to come. I'm not sorry at all for anything I'm going to do. And I'm not sorry for the fact that I don't want to talk tonight. I just want you to leave me alone for now. Let me sort this out the way I always sort it out. Let me toss and turn and cry and hurt as much as I can because then I know I won't be so hurtful to you. I would have inflicted it all onto myself rather than hurt you in any way.
I'm sorry I'm so much like you and I hate it. I know I'm going to be exactly the same as you and in some ways I already am. I don't drink or do drugs or lose control because I know I'm going o be exactly like you if I do and I hate it. I hate it. Hate hate hate it. I wish I wasn't so much like you. I wish I was my own person and could grow up not knowing what was to come but I can't. I will always be like you. I can't stop or change this no matter how much I wish I could. You have no idea how much I wish I could change this but I can't. I'm trying to learn to live with it but it's hard. It's hard knowing what I'm going to be like. Hard knowing that one day I will be in the exact same position that you are in tonight. I don't want to know.
I'm not sorry and I loved you.
It's not that I don't trust you or love you because I do. I trust you. And I love you. Very much. But that doesn't mean I want to tell you everything. I don't tell you because I love you. I don't want to hurt you just like you don't want to hurt me. That's why it's so difficult to tell you these things when the time comes simply because I love you and I trust you and I would hate to see you in any kind of pain.
I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for the emotions I feeling. For the words that I've said and the many more that are to come. I'm not sorry at all for anything I'm going to do. And I'm not sorry for the fact that I don't want to talk tonight. I just want you to leave me alone for now. Let me sort this out the way I always sort it out. Let me toss and turn and cry and hurt as much as I can because then I know I won't be so hurtful to you. I would have inflicted it all onto myself rather than hurt you in any way.
I'm sorry I'm so much like you and I hate it. I know I'm going to be exactly the same as you and in some ways I already am. I don't drink or do drugs or lose control because I know I'm going o be exactly like you if I do and I hate it. I hate it. Hate hate hate it. I wish I wasn't so much like you. I wish I was my own person and could grow up not knowing what was to come but I can't. I will always be like you. I can't stop or change this no matter how much I wish I could. You have no idea how much I wish I could change this but I can't. I'm trying to learn to live with it but it's hard. It's hard knowing what I'm going to be like. Hard knowing that one day I will be in the exact same position that you are in tonight. I don't want to know.
I'm not sorry and I loved you.
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